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Cancer Chronicles 3

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I went home and decided to take a few days to think about this news  before telling anyone. During that time I had lots of conversations with myself and my Maker.

I asked myself, “Should I be angry with G-d?”

The answer, “No way.” G-d has given me so many blessings.

When I couldn’t have children he found a way to give me two precious newborns, four and a half months apart. I was raised to believe that having children were a burden and a responsibility but when I held that first baby, my son, David, I wanted three more. No one ever told me the joy it would be to have a child.

Then came my beautiful daughter, Sarah.

I was blessed with many husbands, most of them not the right ones for me, but each one moved me forward in my life’s journey. The first one taught me not to marry a Muslim (although he was a very good guy) but that I needed to understand who I was as a Jew and to marry someone who would take that journey with me.

It took the fifth try to find the right man, but G-d blessed me with that also.

My childhood was tough, but it taught me to be both hard on myself, to demand much from myself and to be strong. It also taught me not to be so hard on others. Those lessons served me well so even that was a blessing.

Health? Other than a hip replacement surgery four years ago, I have been in fabulous health. At 72 when I walk into the doctor and they ask what medicine I take, I give them my list of vitamins their jaws drop.

I am blessed with four grandchildren, each one special in a different way, and each one loveable and beloved.

My blessings include tremendous energy and drive, gifts of writing and painting, the joy of helping others, and a close connection to G-d that allows me to appreciate all that I have.

At that moment I decided that whatever is planned for me, I have no quarrel and I am ready and willing to accept whatever that is.

Also, I firmly believe that G-d sends us tests and if we don’t pass them, or don’t even try, we get all our blessings in this life and have very little suffering, but no life to come. So I consider this cancer a test. G-d is telling me I am still in the running for an afterlife. Thank you. G-d.

A few days later I called my sister. She would be the first one I would share this news with. It was a mistake because I did not know what stage my cancer was and my sister was scared. Since I had not had a mammogram in three years, it could easily have been late stages. My sister went through breast cancer and survived. My mother went through breast cancer and survived, but two years ago we lost our only other sibling, the youngest, my brother Allen, to Mesothelimoa. I am the eldest and my sister couldn’t bear the thought of losing her last sibling. I remember dropping her off at the airport after my brother’s funeral. I was driving back to Cincinnati after a two month stay with Allen, and my sister was flying back to Texas after a three month stay with Allen. She said, it is only us now. I, trying to lighten the mood, said, “Yes, and we are orphans too.”

The day before I was scheduled to have the biopsy I told my husband. He lives in Israel and was here for a six week visit. I was to go to Israel for two months about six weeks after his departure. In my marriage, although I know my husband loves me with all his heart, I always felt I came in second to his love for Israel.

He said,” I’m with you babe. I’m staying with you throughout all the treatments.”

The next day I went for the biopsy.

Author: Turnip Times

Sometimes the truth is funny and sometimes sad. But the truth is always the truth.

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